Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize
