Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
