evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
