i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Randomize