Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
