she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
