He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
