well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Randomize
