This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Pappa wants mamma naked
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Randomize
