Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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