did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
She just used a chaser for red wine.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
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