who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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