Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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