so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
