My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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