One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
