I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
whose ass print is on the piano?
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
