BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize