I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I want to fling myself into the sun
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
