just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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