when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Randomize
