He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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