absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
