i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
