So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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