...so i touched it.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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