he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
