Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Randomize
