I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
