this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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