your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
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