oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
