Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
