Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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