Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Randomize
