Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize