we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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