What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
