Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Randomize
