We won't sleep together?
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
You pole danced in your parka.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
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