Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
