I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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