Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Randomize
