you would pick up someone in the library
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
