if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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