Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Boobs speak an international language.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
he just fucked me for my cheese.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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