you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
