I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
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