Yo dont text me then not text me
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Can you bring me the toilet please
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
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