Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Randomize
