I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
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