I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
