Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
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