She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
