It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
