she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize