she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
