i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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