Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
