Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize