okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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