I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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