if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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