it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
