What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
