Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
