i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Dick very happy bro
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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