Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Randomize
