hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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