Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
At least life still wants to fuck me.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
