My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
i just wanna soil my oats bro
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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