Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Randomize
