I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize