My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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