Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
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