i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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