So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Randomize
