I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
