Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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