I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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