They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
